Chappu
by Linali
Summary: Moderately angsty Lulu fic. She reminisces about Chappu. Pairings: Y/T, others to be determined. *update*
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer:   
  
I unfortunately don't own any of FFX. Sucks to be me.   
  
That night I cried for the first time since we had left Besaid. I didn't cry for myself, that would have been too easy. There were no tears left in me for that sort of purpose, I'd already cried myself out before we left. But I cried for the others, those whom I cared about who were in pain or gone. Ripped from our world again, Tidus was gone, as was Auron, and all of us were suffering in our own ways.   
  
The dreams that came were haunting, images of all sorts of things I found mildly disturbing. One in particular upset me more than the others. It was him, staring at me with that look in his eyes, that desperate search for my thoughts that he always had. I had finally told him, but he was taken from me, almost of his own free will. Suddenly, I began to fall, I reached out to him, but he dispersed into the many balls of light that I knew were pyreflies, the image carriers for the dead. The lights still swirled around me, and suddenly were gone.   
  
I stood up, brushing off my dress and attempting to fix my now loose hair. It had been significantly damaged when I fell during my dream. I looked around, there were the others; Rikku, Kimahri...and Wakka, all still asleep. I could never escape Wakka. Whatever I did, it seemed he was always behind me, no matter if I wanted to be alone. It didn't help that I was still angry with him, still hurt. I would never understand the why, when it came to men, just like I never understood why my love chose to leave. I died in that moment, when I found out he was gone.   
  
Auron thought that I chose to act as though I was dead, to hide from everyone. The truth was that without him my life was nothing. I was dead inside, I had no purpose. There was no reason for me to stick around. I thought about suicide, it seemed the only solution. That way they would be rid of me and I could be in peace again. The only problem with that was that if I did it would cause more sorrow than it was worth. I knew Wakka would be upset, he had always considered me a sister.   
  
I walked outside the small hut and over to the pier, the one person unaccounted for was there, still whistling,  
  
"Yuna," I said, wiping the tears from my own face.   
It was her, really, that I had been crying for. I knew how she felt, losing Tidus was just like my losing Chappu. She never officially admitted it, at least not to us, but we all knew that she was in love with him. She looked at me, her face as tear streaked as mine,  
  
"Lulu," she said, "He'll come back, I know he will...he promised, he promised me that whenever I whistle, if I need him, he'll come running."   
"Yuna, he's gone," I said, trying to be cold and calm like my usual self. Sometimes it's hard to be the strong one, the one everyone depends on, but someone has to do it, and it might as well have been me.   
  
I'd been working on being strong for years, ever since Chappu died and I left Besaid the first time. I hadn't cried since until tonight, and I intended never to cry again. There was nothing to be done, Chappu was gone and Tidus was gone. Yuna and I would have to continue our lives without them, and I would protect her from the pain that came with that, even if she preferred I didn't.   
  
She shook her head, her light brown hair falling into the one blue eye,  
"He may be gone now, but he's going to come back, I know he is." she whispered. She could never shout. I'd never in my life heard that girl really raise her voice, but her whisper conveyed the exact emotions that, within me, would have been myself screaming at the other person. Of course, it didn't help that I had anger management problems. I gave up my argument, and watched her, saddened further by the fact that there was nothing I could do to make her better. No amount of protection that I could provide could have saved her from this, nothing.   
  
The sun rose over the water slowly, and reached mid sky. The others woke up, but didn't dare come by, they knew that Yuna needed to be alone, and that I was going to wait for her. I was really the only one that could help her. Her whistles still pierced the air, her desperate tears falling and mixing with the salty ocean water below her. However, as the time went on, I saw a small movement in the water, and heard the strangest sound I have ever heard coming from the ocean. A whistle, it had to be a whistle, like the return of Yuna's whistle, only too strong to just be the wind carrying it back. Besides, there was too little wind for that.   
  
Yuna turned to me, her eyes wide, the tears still in them,   
"It's him, isn't it Lulu?" she asked me. I simply nodded, taking a step forward and then thinking better of it.   
  
In the distance a figure began to appear, and the figure seemed to speed up as soon as it came close enough to the pier to possibly see Yuna. There was no doubt left in my mind; somehow, he had come back. I wasn't sure exactly what to do then, and so just stood there, watching. How many times had I done just what Yuna had done? Stood there by the ocean, looking out and praying to myself that he would come back? It saddened me a bit, but also cheered me, that Yuna's prayer was answered.   
  
I heard a motion behind me and turned to see, surprisingly, Yuna's big Ronso guardian, my friend as well as hers, staring calmly at me. Although almost entirely silent, Kimahri never had any difficulty getting his thoughts across. I knew then what he was thinking, although the fact that he was thinking it surprised me.   
"Kimahri," I said softly, looking at him, "Why aren't you with Yuna?"   
I knew why he wasn't with Yuna, really, but I felt the need to ask anyhow, to try and point out that I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone, I was the strong one. He didn't buy it, however,  
"Yuna no need Kimahri," the big blue cat growled,  
"Lulu need Kimahri."   
  
So few words, and so much truth therein. Kimahri was one of my oldest friends, he and Wakka, Yuna, Chappu and I had grown up together. I suspected that he knew what I was feeling, what I often felt when we were in Besaid.   
  
I missed Chappu, missed him terribly, and for once, the strong one needed a pillar to lean on. That pillar was what Kimahri was volunteering to provide me with. Yet my stubborn pride held out,  
"I need no one," I said shortly, "I am fine. Why don't you go play blitzball with Wakka?" The big Ronso looked doubtful, but left anyway, sensing that I needed time alone.   
  
I watched him as he left the dock, turning around a few times to look back, but then turning around again upon noticing my intent stare. He knew better than to argue with me; they all knew better. Well, most of them. Auron hadn't, that insipid stubborn man. He'd insisted on attempting to peel away the carefully placed layers of my guard on my emotions. A stupid man indeed, I couldn't understand why he hadn't realized from the beginning that I guarded my emotions too closely for anyone to get through. I appreciated the sentiment, however, at least there had been proof that they all still cared for me.   
  
He had mostly been worried about Tidus, who was upset because Yuna was upset over my actions, but he could have done nothing, really...Tidus and Yuna passed by me, the girl currently oblivious to my presence. It didn't bother me, not really. I expected little else, as she had finally had him returned to her. I would have been much the same, I knew, if Chappu were ever to return. Chappu. A small tear slid down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away, looking around to make sure no one had seen it, but someone had.   
"Lulu..." her soft voice said, a worried frown creased the young woman's already worry-etched face,  
"What's wrong?"   
  
I turned away as fast as I could, unable to face her. She was the last person in all of Spira that needed to see me crying...it would wreck my image as her guardian..  
"Nothing, Yuna," I said softly, staring out at the ocean to avoid her gaze. That innocent puppy look I knew would be on her face, the pleading look that she would acquire in an attempt to get me to tell her...I knew that I would give in if I paid any attention whatsoever to it.   
  
I could tell she didn't believe me. Of course she didn't believe me, who would? She put a hand on my shoulder, and I heard her take a breath to speak again, but Tidus' voice rang out from the distance, calling her name, and she turned away,  
"I'll be there in a minute!" she cried, then turned back to me. By this time I had turned around to face her again, and I could see the look of concern in her eyes,  
"Lulu," she said softly, "We need to talk later."   
  
I merely nodded and looked out at the ocean, staring emptily into it. As she left I began to cry again, unwanted tears slid down my cheeks. Why? I thought to myself, the perfect image of Chappu floating in my mind, Why did he have to die? He was so young...so full of life... I didn't want to think about it anymore, but I wanted even less to return to the others. It would be too hard to see them while I still wasn't in complete control of my emotions.   
  
I sunk to my knees, putting my face in my hands as I cried. It wasn't fair, nothing was fair. He was gone, and I could maybe have accepted that, maybe...but Tidus was so much like him. He didn't look all that much like him, though Wakka certainly thought he did, but he acted like him...a constant reminder to herself of the love now forever gone. Wakka seemed to accept Tidus as a second younger brother...almost a replacement, but I couldn't hold it against him. Chappu's death had been hard on him as well, he loved his brother terribly. Wakka deserved to move on, to continue living, when I could not. Death was a bittersweet state. As I sat there, mulling over it all in my head, I felt warm arms wrap around me, and jumped a bit, but found myself restrained,  
  
"Lulu need Kimahri," I heard the soft rumbling of one of my dearest friend's voices behind me,  
"Kimahri stay. Lulu no change Kimahri mind this time."   
I didn't have the strength to deny it, I didn't have the heart to argue. Instead I turned around in his arms and cried into his furry chest. He sat there with me, silent as a stone wall, while I cried my heart out, and then, when I had finished, he wiped the tears from my eyes,  
  
"Lulu feel better now?" he asked. I nodded, smiling a bit. I had really needed that cry, and Kimahri was such a good friend for helping me. He was a good friend to all of us, I realized. The big Ronso was always there whenever Yuna fell or Wakka lost a game. He was always there even with those he barely knew. He'd talk with Tidus about Yuna when she was kidnapped, or talk with Rikku about being an Al Bhed and what it's like to be hated for things you just can't help. And he was here for me when I needed to cry.   
  
It was then that I came to the realization that I was not after all the pillar, the backbone of our small group, Kimahri was. The big, silent cat was a comfort to us all, and yet we gave him little credit.   
"Thank you," I whispered softly, hugging him,   
"For everything."   
  
The Ronso looked slightly surprised, then returned the hug and stood,  
"Kimahri go now." he said shortly, then walked off. Just as he left, Wakka trotted up,  
"Hey Lu!" he cried, his eyes shining with joy,  
"Tidus is back!"   
  
Then he noticed the tearstains under my eyes, and the smile left his face quickly,  
"What's wrong, Lu?" he asked softly,  
"You've been crying, ya?"  
  
I shook my head defiantly, standing up and brushing off the dust on my black skirt. I didn't want to upset Wakka...Yevon knew that was the last thing I wanted to do,  
"It's nothing," I said softly, touching his arm gently, and smiling a bit,  
"I know about Tidus, I saw him return. Yuna's thrilled, I assume, and I have a feeling that there'll be a huge party tonight."   
  
Wakka grinned, though I could still see a concerned light in his eyes,  
"You better believe it!"   
I couldn't help laughing. Wakka had always had an incurable enthusiasm. No matter my mood the overgrown child Wakka was always made me smile,  
"Come on, Lu!" he said, grinning,   
"Tidus wants to blitz and I want you to watch!"   
  
I smiled softly this time. Wakka was no fool, and he knew me much too well for my taste. He realized that I was trying to keep to myself, and he must have known I was mourning his brother again. So he did what he could to make sure that I wouldn't be alone, and he wanted to make me smile, even if it was at his expense. Not that I smiled much. Not since the death of my first summoner, so quickly following Chappu's. I had terrible luck in that arena. It was almost as though everyone I cared about, everyone I was responsible for, died.   
  
That was why I had tried not to get too attached to everyone. Of course, I'd thought my bad luck was returning when Yuna told me she was going to go on the pilgrimage like her father. And then Wakka and Kimahri becoming her guardians as well...I was convinced we were all going to die.   
  
We lost Auron and Tidus, but avoided death. Perhaps, then, my luck was indeed turning. I wasn't about to get my hopes up, though. Wakka grabbed my arm, then, jerking me out of my thoughts as he pulled me towards the beach next to the pier. I followed uncomplaining. I could never say no to him. Cheering met our appearance on the beach, and Tidus clapped Wakka on the shoulder,   
  
"I knew you could get her here if anyone could!" he cried triumphantly. Why, I asked myself Is he saying that? What could he possibly mean?   
"Tidus, what are you talking about?" I asked cooly, eyeing the boy incredulously. I knew I had been cold to him when he first came, but afterwards I'd actually become rather fond of him. I was glad that Yuna loved him and not that Seymour guy, I had a terrible feeling about him from the very first time I'd lain eyes on him. Yuna smiled,  
"Well, you see...I told him you looked kind of upset and he got worried so..."  
  
  
Author's Note: That's all I've got finished so far. More written, though. will post if I get reviews. 


	2. Blitzball

She started grinning and waved towards where the men and Rikku were standing. Kimahri stepped forward, holding out a Besaid Auroch's uniform. Only, the uniform didn't look quite like the usual uniform. Instead, it almost looked like...my face turned red,   
"Oh no...." I protested, "There is no -way- you are getting me into that water."   
  
I backed away slowly, but stopped as I bumped against something. Wakka was still behind me, unfortunately. I turned around to face him, and he the biggest, most impish grin I have ever seen in my life on his face. I only had a second to squeak out half a protest before he'd lifted me up and settled me on his shoulder.   
"Aw no you don't, Lu," he said, his Besaid accent smooth and fluid,   
"Not after we've worked so hard on this, ya?"   
  
I kicked at him, but knew that without the concentration to call on my Black Magic I didn't have the chance of a snowflake in Besaid. Wakka carried me for quite some time. It seemed like hours, probably because I knew where he was taking me. There was a brief moment of freedom as he lifted me off his shoulder, and then I felt myself plunged into the icy cold water.   
  
I took a deep breath before I went under, but still came up sputtering indignantly. Everyone was laughing. Even Kimahri, even me.   
  
"Well, Lu, now that you're wet you have two...no three options. The first is that you can be a grouch and stalk off...the second, you could blitz in -that-...and the last...you could wear the outfit we made!"   
Wakka shouted triumphantly, grinning rather sheepishly. Kimahri picked me up out of the water.   
  
"Kimahri not want Lulu to freeze while she decide." He stated softly. I laughed, though my teeth were still chattering. Kimahri was warm, but his fur was becoming drenched by the water dripping off me. I motioned for him to put me down, which he did, and I took the uniform from him,   
  
"Well," I said, "I suppose I'll play, since I'm already wet, but...Yuna and Rikku have to play too." I insisted.   
  
There was a brief look of panic in Tidus' eyes on that request, but it was quickly washed away,   
"All right, then, Lulu. But she's on my team."   
  
Why were men always so overprotective? I wondered. It wasn't as though Yuna wasn't perfectly capable of watching out for herself. Oh well. I knew Yuna would approve in this case, at any rate.   
  
Wakka put a hand on my shoulder,   
"Then I'll have Lulu and Kimahri on my team. You'll have Yuna and Rikku, ya? Now we've just got to make Auroch's uniforms for the other two."   
  
I nodded, finally gaining my composure,   
"Have fun!" I commented softly as I went to put on the outfit they'd put together for me, but slowly realized I had virtually forgotten about my worrries. I really had the best group of friends.   
  
If only I could be sure...I nearly screamed when I heard the door open. 


	3. Getting Ready

Author's note: I'm glad you guys are liking this! Sorry it's so short, but I'm trying to update most of my stories today, after having all the handwritten ones scattered to the four winds by my cats _  
  
  
Then, upon seeing the figure in the doorway, relaxed instantly,   
"Oh. Hello Rikku," I said calmly, pulling the shirt over my head and settling it over my chest. No use in letting the girl see that she'd nearly unsettled me.   
"I take it they pieced one together for you?"   
She nodded emphatically, bouncing upl and down,   
"This is going to be so much fun! I've never played blitzball before."   
  
I merely nodded, staring at my reflection. It was so odd, seeing myself in the bright Aurochs colours as opposed to my usual black and white. I had worn black ever since Chappu's death. Shaking it off, I turned to her again,   
"I haven't either, Rikku...it should be a rather interesting experience."   
  
I looked in the the mirror again, and began pulling the chopsticks out of my hair, allowing the bung to come loose, then I started to unbraid it. When I was about halfway done I noticed that Rikku was gone and Wakka was there, staring at me. I couldn't help a small smile at the blitzball player, staring in shock and confusion.   
"Is something the matter, Wakka?" I asked, smirking a bit. Usually I would smack a man for staring at me like that but Wakka, I knew, wasn't doing it for the reason most of them were.  
  
A sheepish grin crossed his face, and I could see a bit of red tinge the bottoms of his ears,  
"Not really, Lu, I've just never seen you with your hair down. Or seen you out of that black dress for quite a while. You look so different, ya?"   
  
I laughed,   
"I was thinking the exact same thing," I informed him, finishing the unbraiding. I looked at my reflection thoughtfully,   
"I really ought to put it up if we're playing blitzball," I said softly,   
"Wouldn't want it to get in the way."   
  
I sighed, then pulled it back into a ponytail, deciding that would be good enough. Wakka smiled again, gently, and touched my shoulder,   
"Oh you know you're beautiful, Lu," he said, his eyes sparkling,   
"Don't fret about it too much, ya?"   
  
I could feel my face starting to heat, so I merely nodded, and started walking towards the water. 


End file.
